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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26267863">with/out you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MunkUnk/pseuds/MunkUnk'>MunkUnk</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 09:02:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>436</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26267863</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MunkUnk/pseuds/MunkUnk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik tried to forget.<br/>But the memories he had with Charles haunt him without Charles.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Erik Lehnsherr/Magda (X-Men), Erik Lehnsherr/Raven | Mystique</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>with/out you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It feels as if things will be this way forever.<br/>
As if he will always be chasing after an emotion that had once been there.<br/>
Too afraid to feel it in the moment he lets things go before he can let them in. Which leaves him alone in the dark with lingering pain, waiting for the touch of someone who will never come.<br/>
Why must these thoughts (feelings) torture him so much? Would it really be a bad thing if he were to be open with Charles about his feelings?<br/>
These things rarely ended well; he knew. However, he felt as if this would eat him alive if he did not get it out. If he did not tell Charles. </p><p>Throwing the blanket to the side Erik climbed out of bed and walked to the window, pressing his palm flat against the cold, damp windowpane Erik gazed out across the land. It looked so peaceful out there. Yet he knew the evil truth that lurked in the light of day. The monsters walking amongst them, wearing faces that looked like them. Some of them were even double agents. Mutants working for Kelly’s group.<br/>
The thought that he had been fighting his entire life was ringing through his mind. </p><p>Raising a hand Erik glanced to the side slightly as the coin lifted from the bedside table and floated over to his outstretched hand. </p><p>Why had he waited so long?<br/>
What would he do now? </p><p>There was a world of distance between them, now.<br/>
Emotionally. </p><p>Resting his forehead on the windowpane Erik inhaled deeply. And held it in. </p><p>What had he given up? What had he destroyed? Who had he destroyed? </p><p>“I’m sorry, Charles.” He was not sure how the words managed to escape his lips.<br/>
But all he saw behind his closed eyes was sand and blood, and tears. And debris. And hurt. And he wanted to go back, now, and change everything.<br/>
Why hadn’t he seen it then? </p><p>Love was so difficult for him.  Just feeling any emotional connection was a struggle for him if he was being honest. </p><p>But this was a little different.<br/>
Because he had left Charles, already. He had left him when he needed him the most. </p><p>Flicking the coin into the air Erik watched as it spun slowly and thought about all the mistakes he had made.<br/>
There was nothing he could do to change the way things were, now. </p><p>But would it be possible for him to try?<br/>
Was there anything that he could do to repair the damage he had caused? </p><p>What could he do to get Charles back?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alternate time line, based in the first class AU. But with different events.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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